Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
