remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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