Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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