He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
