I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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