I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
