my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
