worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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