is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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