She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
