I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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