Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So many bounce houses so little time
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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