haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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