I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
