Your face is a jimmy john
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
