you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You pole danced in your parka.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
