i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
