Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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