I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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