I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
