there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
