I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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