I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
