Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
