Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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