if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize