dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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