Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
