Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I need moral support for this bender
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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