Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
