my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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