I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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