I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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