So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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