My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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