I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
