Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
