Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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