What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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