Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And then my night got REAL pukey
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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