I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I seem to have left my pride at pride
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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