I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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