so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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