Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
