How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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