just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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