how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Randomize
