Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
