Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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