I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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