I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
