My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
did you just send me my own nude
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
