My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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