By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
