I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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