just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
