I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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