So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
