Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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