also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
