i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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