Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
