I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
