I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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