32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
