i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
