Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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