I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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