did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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