It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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