i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
