Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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