you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
