I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
