dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
