I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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