i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
