What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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