Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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