tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
