4 words: hood of his car
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
