I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
