she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So. Much. Porn.
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