Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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