i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
