Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
