i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
